This weeks featured funny quotations:
Quotation Title: Cyrano De
Bergerac quote on Arrogance
The insufferable arrogance of human beings to think that Nature was made
solely for their benefit, as if it was conceivable that the sun had been set
afire merely to ripen men's apples and head their cabbages.
Quotation Title: Homer Simpson
quote on Beer
I'm gonna drink lots of beer and stay out all night.
Quotation Title: Confucius quote on Boredom
Virtuous people often revenge themselves for the constraints to which they
submit by the boredom which they inspire.
Quotation Title: Ambrose Bierce quote on Cats
A cat is a soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked
when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
Quotation Title: Hippolyte Taine quote on Cats
I've met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely
Quotation Title: Paris Hilton quote on Celebrity
I don't really think, I just walk.
Quotation Title: Woody Allen quote on Cheating
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked
into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Quotation Title: Bill Hicks quote on Comedy
You believe the world's 12 thousand years old? 'That's right.' Okay I got
one word to ask you, a one word question, ready? 'Uh huh.' Dinosaurs. You
know the world's 12 thousand years old and dinosaurs existed, they existed
in that time, you'd think it would have been mentioned in the chucking Bible
at some point. 'And lo Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the
trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus...with a splinter in his paw. And
O the disciples did run a shriekin': 'What a big chucking lizard, Lord!' But
Jesus was unafraid and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw and
the big lizard became his friend.
Quotation Title: Winnie the Pooh quote on Cute
A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise.
Quotation Title: Ambrose Bierce quote on Cynicism
Cynic, noun: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not
as they ought to be.
Quotation Title: Oscar Wilde quote on Devil
We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell
Quotation Title: Oscar Wilde quote on First love
Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a mans last
Quotation Title: Woody Allen quote on Funny
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed,
sold me this watch.
Quotation Title: Mark Twain quote on Irony
I have no race prejudice. I think I have no color prejudices or caste
prejudices nor creed prejudices. Indeed, I know it. I can stand any society.
All that I care to know is that a man is a human being -- that is enough for
me; he can't be any worse.
Quotation Title: Joe Hbuml quote on Jokes
If a condescending joke is truly funny, make yourself the subject- you will
increase the number of people laughing by at least one.
Quotation Title: Zsa Zsa Gabor quote on Men and Women
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
Quotation Title: Brigitte Bardot quote on Middle Age
When you’re thirty you’re old enough to know better, but still young enough
to go ahead and do it.
Quotation Title: Spike
Milligan quote on Misery
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of
Quotation Title: Maggie Kuhn quote on Old age
Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least
one outrageous thing every week.
Quotation Title: Thomas Carlyle quote on Sarcasm
Sarcasm is the language of the devil, for which reason I have long since as
good as renounced it
Quotation Title: Robert M. Hutchins quote on Seriousness
It is not so important to be serious as it is to be serious about the
important things. The monkey wears an expression of seriousness which would
do credit to any college student, but the monkey is serious because he
Quotation Title: David Suzuki quote on Stupidity
We're in a giant car heading towards a brick wall and everyones arguing over
where they're going to sit